In case you don't already know this, I'm an introvert. My Myers-Briggs type is INFJ, and I’m about as private, sensitive, and introspective as they come.
I would much rather reflect on problems in my journal or think through things on my own, then reach out for help. I steer clear of going to anything that involves more than a few of my closest friends and I daydream about changing the world in my pajamas.
This is me in a nutshell. And while these wonderful attributes make me who I am, if I’m not careful, it can also be what holds me back.
When I’m not mindful, my privacy keeps me from letting others know what’s going on with me, my sensitivity tells me I can’t handle feedback from others, and my introspection places such a high value on self-examination that reaching out for support is looked down upon.
In the past, when I’d hit a bump in the road I’d say, “I’m a smart, resourced woman. I “should” be able to figure things out on my own.” But more times than not, I couldn’t and in the end, I always felt like something was wrong with me because of it. This mindset was at it’s worse whenever I was in a major transition.
After some deep soul-searching a few years back, I realized that all my solitude and lack of community was actually hurting me. I realized being a lone wolf was well, really lonely. And while I knew one of my greatest strengths was supporting other people, I needed to start allowing other people to support me.
I knew deep down if I wanted to move forward with my dreams and achieve my most important goals, I was going to have to get over it. I was going to have to ask for help, open myself up to other perspectives, and stop trying to walk the path alone.
That’s when I decided building community would be my number one priority.
In the beginning, it felt uncomfortable, scary, and hard, (which was a good indicator that it was the right next step) but I dug my heels in and committed to consistent action.
I went to classes and retreats where I could meet like-minded women, I created weekly mastermind calls with women who had similar values and visions, and I replaced my go-to response of, "Thanks so much for asking, but no.” with “Yes, I’d love to!”
Along the way, I learned how to start asking for help and practiced receiving it. As a result, I noticed myself moving through challenges more quickly, feeling more empowered in my daily life, and taking bigger leaps than I ever had before. Stepping out of my cozy little, introverted cave and building community had transformed my life.
Maybe you’re also a lone wolf who’s walking the path on your own. Someone who’s both strong and quiet to the point that it sometimes holds you back. But I have a feeling you’re tired of going it alone.
I see you and I want to share one simple thing you can do this week to start building community. It’s the first thing I do in my own life when I know I’ve gone into lone wolf mode.
---> Be proactive about reconnecting.
Here’s what to do:
Make a list of all the women you’ve known throughout your life that you’ve felt a connection with. Scan the list and see which names stand out to you. Then, reach out individually to these women by sending a text, writing an email, sending a handwritten note, or sending love in whatever way feels right to you.
With some of these women, beautiful relationships will start to blossom. With others, nothing will happen. And that’s totally okay! All you need to do right now is reach out and reconnect. The relationship will naturally go where it wants to go.
If you want even more support this week, we’re gathering in community on Thursday, January 26th from 5-6pm PST. At this free, live workshop, you’ll build community by gathering with a group of like-minded women and you’ll create a self-care plan that actually works.
Because sisterhood is self-care and when you have a community to lean into you’ll be able to care for yourself no matter how stressful life is.
I can’t wait to see you there!
Warm hugs and big love,
P.S. Connecting with like-mind women is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Come be in circle with us and we’ll find the answers together!