When You Feel like You Don’t Fit In

Do you sometimes feel like you don’t fit in? Like you’re different? Ever wish you could just find people who get you?

Welcome to the club! Every woman I know has had a moment (or is currently having a moment) in their lives where they feel like they don’t belong. Like they’re strange or weird.

I myself have spent a good part of my life feeling this way. Growing up, people called me “quirky,” which I equated to being a total weirdo. So instead of embracing my quirkiness, I got really good at pretending to fit in. I’d do activities I didn’t necessarily enjoy like cheerleading, talk about things I didn’t care about like boys, and make myself appear to be a “normal” girl when I was clearly anything but.

What I was (and still am), was sensitive, thoughtful, curious, introspective, creative, and highly empathetic. I wanted to be out hiking and fishing with my dad and talking about books.

Now, over three decades later, I finally feel like I fit in and I’m surrounded by people who get me. I feel proud to be “quirky” and I embrace that which is different about me. I’ve realized that these things are what make the impossible, possible. They’re what give me the capacity to make a difference in the world.

When you feel like you don’t fit in, I know this can feel very lonely and frustrating. It can feel like the end of the world, especially when you take huge leaps to put yourself out there at an event or with new friends.

What I also know is that one of the most common mistakes women make when we feel like we don’t fit in is we try even harder to. But here’s the thing: if you feel like you don’t fit in, there’s a very good chance you don’t, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing! The next time you feel out of place, I want you to stop trying so hard and instead notice what makes you different.

  • Are you no longer interested in the activity?
  • Do you want to talk about other things?
  • Or maybe your values don’t align with the people you’re hanging out with?

Dig in, take an honest look at the situation, and ask yourself what would need to change in order for you to feel like you fit in. And remember, not fitting in doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you (or the people you’re with), it just means you’re different and that’s a good thing!

As we get ready to move into the outward energy of summer and thinking about building more substantial sisterhood in our lives, we must commit to being ourselves fully. Don’t lose your unique ways, dear one. The world needs you and your unique take on things!

Enjoy the long weekend. Wherever you go and whatever you do, practice being yourself, quirkiness and all! ;)

With love and gratitude,